I’ve been getting some questions about why I decided at this time to start writing a blog and where all this stuff that I am writing about is coming from. Well, besides the answer that I want to avoid being as dumb as the rocks on the bottom of a fish tank, I started to think there are some other reasons for me to start writing a bunch of blog posts after being pretty quiet for the last 30 years. So here goes.
Wow, that sounds kind of businessy, doesn’t it? Basically what that means is that I’m going to keep writing this thing with the hope that someday it will go somewhere. If I get enough stuff out there I figure a couple of things could happen.
1. Someone reads one of these unbelievably mediocre blogs, falls in love with it, and decides to offer me a great paying job writing for their website or magazine. The website I would go work for would be based in New York City. It would be based in an old warehouse. You take a freight elevator to the floor you want. The floor that the website is on is a huge open air room with lots of brick walls, hardwood floors and exposed ductwork. There is a coffee area where you can get hot or cold caramel macchiatos. The CEO is a young millennial with a beard who wears a stocking hat and skinny jeans. While we sit around in beanbag chairs brainstorming, the CEO kid bounces a red rubber ball around the room, and he chucks it at you when he wants an idea. I’m brought in to give the company an older, more cynical, more Get Off My Lawn, old fat guy perspective. I sit in a regular chair because I can’t get out of a beanbag, I catch the rubber ball and clobber the kid CEO with a return fastball, and I bitch about the fact that nobody drinks regular coffee anymore. And everybody laughs.
Wait, that’s not a job opportunity , that’s a sitcom on Fox. Or a a Josh Hartnett movie from 2005. Probably not gonna happen.
2. I take all this content and turn it into a Fishrocks website. The site would have all my blogs, as well as pictures I take, a section on sports, and another on the restaurants that Holly and I like to go to, with reviews and thoughts on everything from the food to the drive to get there. This option seems a lot more likely than the first, but, as you’ve already learned, I’m kind of a dunce when it comes to technology. Which means I need to go somewhere and get this thing set up by a reputable company that will give Fishrocks the treatment it deserves.
The other option is getting an intern to do this work for college credit. So, if any of you know of a hot intern that will work for nothing(Whoa, whoa, whoa, you say, stop right there! You’re married! What kind of misogynist are you? Trump! Trump!). First off, it was Bill Clinton that had a problem with an intern, not Trump. Second, the intern may be the first employee at Fishrocks Inc. so he or she will be up front at the company. When the sales rep from Blue Apron comes in to buy a bunch of ad space on our incredibly successful website, it will be important that they want to keep coming back. See, I’m not a misogynist, I’m a capitalist. And third, if you’ve read my previous blogs, you know my prostate cancer treatment has left me chemically castrated. You know those Carl Jr. ads that have those hot models eating hamburgers? I watch those ads and think,”Bacon AND an egg on that burger? Damn!
Um, got distracted. The website is a more likely option for all this content.
It is January in Michigan. There isn’t much to do, I’ve got free time, so, instead of doing something constructive like working around the house, I’m screwing around with this blog thing. When you haven’t seen the sun in 3 weeks, it’s important to keep yourself entertained.
Speaking of the weather, at this time of year, wouldn’t it be easier for the meteorologist to stand in front of a screen that says that the weather is going to be shit? Today’s weather? Shit. 5 day outlook? Shit shit shit shit shit. Back to you, Bob. And then when your buddy asks you if you know what the weather is going to be like this weekend, you can look at him, shrug your shoulders and say,”Shitty.”
Thank you, I’ll be here all week.
Lupron and Xtandi
I am currently on two different drugs trying to drive my testosterone levels down to near zero. I don’t know if this is what’s causing this surge in creativity in me, but if it is, I’m gonna keep riding this wave until it crashes. I’ve written more stuff in the last two weeks than I have in the last 30 years, so something is going on here.
Remember reading the story “Flowers for Algernon” when you were in school? It’s about a surgery that is performed first on a mouse named Algernon and then on a mentally disabled adult named Charlie. The mouse and adult eventually get very smart. And then, spoiler alert, the mouse dies and Charlie reverts to what he was before. In his last writings, Charlie requests that flowers be placed on Algernon’s grave. So, if you are reading this blog, and all the sudden I write something like,”Gleep, glorp, grable, PEACH YOGURT!” I’m probably a goner. The drugs have worn off.
I hope this answers some of the questions on why I am doing this blog. Have a great weekend. Even if the weather is shitty.
Thanks for reading.