Life Goes On

I’m not really sure where to start this one. Most of my blogs have been running updates on my condition, and how my treatments are going, or, if it’s time to start a new treatment.

But now, for the first time in 12 years, there is no treatment. No plans for new treatments. Usually by now, I’ve been in contact with a new doc, a new oncologist for either chemo or radiation or a clinical trial. Scans would be planned.

Over the years, I’ve gotten used to the scan routine. Go to Blodgett Hospital, get injected with the radioactive stuff that lights up my bones, and while that was happening getting a line put into my port so they can inject the contrast for the CT scan. After the CT scan, which would come close to making me sick every time, escaping for a couple of hours to grab a bagel and coffee at Tera Bagels (incredibly good bagel shop) and then go browse the used book stores in Eastown for WWII books.

After those 2 hours, go back to the hospital, show them my arm band so I can get in with a smile and a wave, lay on a table for a half hour and let the machine scan my bones. After that, head for home and wait for the results. Scan day is something I did a lot over the past 12 years.

When I first started getting scans back in 2010, results would take up to 5 days. 5 days of worry, 5 days of nervousness, 5 days of coming up with scenarios that were probably worse than anything that would actually happen to me. But now in the past few years, I get results to my patient portal on my phone the same day I got scanned. A blood test in the morning would get me a PSA number in the afternoon.

I have to admit, and I’m sure most cancer patients would agree with me, the expedited version of tests was WAY preferable over waiting a week. My brain could go lots of different places in 5 days.

But this situation I’m in now, I’m completely unfamiliar with. I haven’t had a scan since October. It’s kinda weird not knowing which direction my cancer is heading. I know it’s now in my bones, which is why I snapped my femur turning over in a hospital bed back on Black Friday. I also know it’s invaded my bladder, because I continue to be hooked up to a catheter and I can see big ol blood clots come through and into my bag that is constantly by my side.

So, I’m now in the limbo of Hospice. When I first arrived home, there was still a significant amount of pain I was dealing with. My catheter set up was not the greatest, and was causing me to bleed a lot. But the people of hospice are dedicated to make sure their patients are as pain free as possible, and after a few adjustments, that pain was relieved. Also, my nurse made sure that my pain was relieved by the right amount of drugs.

My leg is healing well, but at first I would have sleepless nights when the pain would just not let up. Morphine has been the answer for that, along with some healthy doses of OxyContin.

So, if your keeping score at home, I’m taking morphine and Oxy for the pain, and also a drug called Lorazepam for anxiety. I was having these really gruesome nightmares, and that drug has settled those down. The hospice people are true saints. They are providing me excellent care.

But, really the biggest news for our family has been the birth of our grandson, Jonathan James Cole, born on December 20, 2022. A 7lb 14 Oz 20 1/2 inch’s bundle of joy. Mother and son are all doing awesome, and Holly and I are very proud grandparents. Here’s a pic!!

So, life goes on, as life does. I don’t know what is happening inside my body, and frankly, for the first time in 12 years, I don’t really care. Over the past 2 months, we have been blessed so much by the prayers of family and friends. Meals have been dropped off, cookies have been baked, cards have found their way into our mailbox, and I’ve had lots of visitors. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for all of you that have checked in on me, and have provided support.

Some days I get tired, some days are painful and frustrating, and tears have been shed.

But the one thing I’m not doing is asking why. I’ve never felt closer to God, and I have complete faith in whatever he has in store for me. That’s even weird for me to say, a natural born cynic whose always been more of a doubting Thomas than a pious Paul. But, there is a peace in me that’s really never been there before. A peace that comes with an assurance that things are going to be alright.

My family is growing. I have friends that love me. I am truly a blessed man.

Thanks for reading.


P.S. For those who have been reading my blogs for the past 5 years and have been wondering, “What about Zoey?” My faithful friend that I’ve shed a few tears with over the years is still by my side. I can’t walk her anymore, so you won’t see me in the neighborhood, but Travis and Holly have been pretty good at getting her out there for her daily walks. So, if you see her, give her a wave.

12 thoughts on “Life Goes On

  1. Amazing Read. So very sorry for all you have and are going thru. It is to me so unbelievable what the human body can endure. I work at Steelcase and have had cancer. Even though we have never met, I feel a kinship. Your blogs are inspiring to me and I know to many others. My wish for you is comfort and peace. Keep us posted

    Liked by 1 person

  2. New on this journey Biopsy positive gleason 4+3 =8 lined up for a bone scan in a week. Getting my PSA draw today. the base taken in mid November at 53.1 in 38 days rose to 75.4
    Looking stage4 in both eyed…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello Dan, your blog is very interesting to read and I’m so glad hospice is keeping the meds under control to give you relief. I just want to say thank you to you for always being so kind to me when I was at work when sometimes people just weren’t. You’ve traveled down a ride that is very hard and I’m so glad to see that your faith is caring you thru this. Keep up the good fight and just lean on Jesus.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Dan. I continue to read your blog and find your writing so inspiring to me and I am sure to many others who read it. I continue to pray for you and Holly, that God continues to watch over you and your family, taking care of all of you. Your new grandson is so beautiful, such a beautiful gift for you both……..Sending prayers. Jill

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey Dan, wanted to thank you for continuing to share your journey in such a moving blog. You remain forever a good friend, exceptional author and an inspiration.

    I was recently reading Carl Sagen and though today’s electronic 1’s and 0’s are replacing wood pulp, his poetic words remain just as relevant:

    What an astonishing thing a book is.

    It is a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles.

    But one glance at it and you’re inside the mind of another person, maybe someone dead for thousands of years across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you.

    Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs.

    Books break the shackles of time.

    A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow a new chapter dawns and sounds like you are prepared great news about grand son i read your blogs as i am on this journey also with stage three and rising psa after 5 years and am learning so much from you! Warrior on


  7. Thank you for sharing. Im glad God’s peace is tangible. Be blessed. This year is prophesied for the preparation of the bride of Christ to be without spots or wrinlkles and prostate cancer is surely a spot on that bride which will be removed. Let it begin with you and me brother and all those that are members of His body of which He is the Head. May our miraculous healings open the hearts of those that have yet to believe for God, our Father is not willing that any perish in their sin but that all come to repentance and into His glorious kingdom even here and now as it is written…” Thy kingdom come , Thy will be done ON EARTH as it is in heaven. Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Dan,I’m thankful for you that your pain is getting under control by your hospise nurses! I’ve heard such great things about their caring.when I read about your Black Friday, I prayed please God give him relief! Enjoy that great little grandson,he’s so cute.praying for you and your family.Glad to hear that you have peace and ready to wait on Gods will for your life. Love you Dan, and Chuck and I would like to stop and see you!🙏🏻❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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